is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
