oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
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