And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Randomize
