so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Too much gin, very little bucket
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Randomize
