i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
My sheets look like a crime scene.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Panties = found
Randomize
