Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
