It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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