friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
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