I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
