A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
