I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
