I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
