I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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