i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
