we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
