This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
