I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
