Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
