I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
