woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
