david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
