i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
