you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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