allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
