Have you finally orgasmed yet?
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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