morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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