no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
