shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
