Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
