Yo dont text me then not text me
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
