During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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