I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
