sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize