i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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