I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
