I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
