and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
