not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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