All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
