Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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