i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
