Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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