Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
