put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
