I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
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