Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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