you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
