i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
