I love black thongs
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize