y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
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