Pants 0. Shit 1.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Randomize