I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
