Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
