I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
