I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
i believe in u and ur pee
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