Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
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