Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
