Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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