I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
