Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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