I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
