I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
