Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
