I just cut my nipple shaving
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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