whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
