You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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