can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
