Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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