mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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