His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
