i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
please come you make the beer taste better
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
