You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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