we have pet lesbian snakes
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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