I think I died a long time ago.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
no, he came in my armpit
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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