my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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