I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize