i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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