Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Randomize