At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
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