I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
