this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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