Well apparently he's into motor boating.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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