well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
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