don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
