Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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