my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize