Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
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