My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
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