I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
you had me at cake vodka
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
