It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
