So drunk its hurt
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
