omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Randomize