i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize