i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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