Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
