When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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