Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
