I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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