I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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