even my farts smell like vagina
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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