I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
