dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I am naked and annoyed.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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