I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
