Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
home. puking in laundry basket.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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