apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
