How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize