New invention idea: vibrating tampons
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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