The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
