After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
